hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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