Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
