in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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