I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
