How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
