i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
