Porn is love you can see.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
