haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
