omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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