found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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