PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
