and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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