I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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