I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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