I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
