Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
