its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
