So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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