please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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