When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
