We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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