Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
