Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
