I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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