Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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