I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
