worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
