Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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