It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
