If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize