Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i came on her dog
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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