I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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