I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
