I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
