apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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