We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
