Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
