kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
