And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
