I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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