I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
