I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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