i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
