she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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