As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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