I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
