mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
