just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
