do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
