so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
