oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
