I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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