TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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