she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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