I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
