i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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