Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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