when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
