Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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