Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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