i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
