i think my tv is drunk
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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