new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
