chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
