He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
