Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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