you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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