No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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