Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
