Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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