so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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