he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
