i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize