I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
