those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
