also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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