I have demons in me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
