i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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