u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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