She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
